A Pain To Die For
by belive2imagine
Summary: I completely forgot about this story, until I was looking through some of my stuff and found my notebook. I'm not sure I will finish it, unless I come up with some ideas....But I've had two brain surgery's since I started writing it..So we shall see. Um..
1. Default Chapter

The pain is so bad. I don't know if I can continue. Nightmares come and nightmares go, remaining in my mind so I can feast on fear. I wish to sleep would overcome me, but also I wish it would stay away. For all that comes is suffering. and pain. and fear. Eating away at me like I'm some kind of bait. Eventually the pain and tears will lure me to a restless sleep filled with demons and monsters waiting for the right moment to attack. My mind is spinning, my heart bleeding, soul crying. A battle between sanity and insanity, depression and happiness. Happy. I haven't been happy for such a long time. A long long time. When am I going to explode. Who am I going to hurt in the process. I hope it's not him. I love him so much and he has no idea. Sometime I want to keep it that way, so he won't get hurt. I'm cursed. Everything good that comes my way, I manage to screw up. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I don't want to be lonely. I'm so tired of being lonely. I have been for so long. So very long. I never thought I'd fall for him. I didn't really want to. Because I didn't want to hurt him. I don't care if I get hurt. I've been hurt so much. Physically, Mentally, Emotionally. It's almost like I'm immune to the hurt. Almost. Truthfully, I'm scared. I'm scared to sleep, I'm scared to stay awake. I'm scared of anything and everything. I trust so few people. I want someone to love me for who I am. Not laugh because I have dreams or cuz I want to accomplish something, make something of myself. I don't know if I can, I don't know if the demons will take over me and lead me unwillingly on path of destruction. To the end-all. So many people are hypocrites, and laugh at unnormalcy whatever normalcy is. There was someone who didn't laugh, who I trusted, who knew almost everything, but now he won't talk to me at all. I still love him to death and would honestly die for him. There's only one other person I can say that about, but I'm scared. Scared to tell him. I wonder if he feels the same as I do. I doubt it. Why would he. There's nothing to like about me. I'm ugly. I'm a bitch.I'm mean. There's nothing to like about me. I have so many problems. Who would want to deal with them. I don't want to, but I have no choice. The demons start to take over. Another night of restless sleep. Then I'll get up in the morning and face it all again. And him again. Without him knowing, I'm watching and wishing. 


	2. Chapter 2

Characters: Shawn Michael's, Mystic(Myst for short) I only own the people you don't recognize. Right now all I own is Mystic. Myst is the person who was writing the journal entry in the first chapter. Shawn may or may not be the person she was talking about. I haven't decided yet. Review and let me know what you think and give me any suggestions. I probably won't be able to update for at least a week, I leave for Texas on Saturday and don't know if there will be a computer I can use.   
  
"Hey, what's going on, Babe?"  
  
Shawn walked into the hotel room. The only source of light was coming from a candle in the middle of the room. He had gotten used to her doing this. She had been for a couple of months, usually crying herself to sleep.  
  
"Myst, why do you keep doing this to yourself. I hate seeing you like this. It tears me up inside."  
  
He walked over to the bed and wrapped his arms around her. Softly he started singing to her.  
  
I'm finding my way back to sanity again  
  
though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there  
  
and take a breath and hold on tight  
  
spin around one more time  
  
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace  
  
cause I am hanging on every word you say and  
  
even if you don't want to speak tonight  
  
that's alright, alright with me  
  
cause I want nothing more than  
  
to sit outside Heaven's door  
  
and listen to you breathing  
  
is where I wanna be yeah I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm  
  
trying to identify the voices in my head  
  
God which one's you  
  
let me feel one more time what it  
  
feels like to feel and  
  
break these calluses off of me  
  
one more time  
  
cause I am hanging on every word you say and  
  
even if you don't wanna speak tonight  
  
that's alright, alright with me  
  
cause I want nothing more than  
  
to sit outside your door  
  
and listen to your breathing  
  
is where I wanna be yeah  
  
where I wanna be  
  
I don't want a thing from you  
  
bet you're tired of me  
  
waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground  
  
cause I just want to be here now  
  
cause I am hanging on every word you say and  
  
even if you don't wanna speak tonight  
  
that's alright, alright with me  
  
cause I want nothing more than  
  
to sit outside Heaven's door  
  
and listen to your breathing  
  
is where I wanna be yeah  
  
Soon, she stopped crying and looked at him.  
  
"Thanks, Shawn, you're the best. You don't know how much you mean to me."  
  
Soon, she fell asleep, still wrapped up in Shawn's arms.  
  
"If only you knew, Myst. If only you knew." Lyrics are by Lifehouse "Breathing" 


	3. Chapter 3

A Pain To Die For-Chapter 3

Shawn and Myst walked into that night's arena. They found his locker room and went inside. A few minutes later Myst got up and started to walk out.

"Where are you going?" Shawn asked.

"Same place I go every night.

Shawn watched her walk away. "Same thing, different night." She always did this, went and found a deserted hallway, put on her headphones and waited till show time when she would find a monitor to watch.

MIDDLE OF THE SHOW

Paul walked up to Myst in the hallway. She didn't notice him because she was to engrossed in Shawn's match.

"He loves you don't you know."

Myst looks at him for a moment.

"Don't you have a match to be getting ready for?"

"It can wait, I'm in the main event."

"Maybe, but I don't feel like talking right now."

"Ahhh…you never do. However, I do feel like talking."

"Of course, but you're making me miss Shawn's match."

"Then we'll watch it and talk afterwards. C'mon we'll go to my locker room."

Myst, knowing it was useless to protest, followed him.

AFTER THE MATCH

Myst looked at Paul while standing up and heading toward the door.

"I'm going to go find Shawn."

"What about our talk."

"You've got a match soon." With that she turned and walked out the door.

LATER THAT NIGHT, IN THE HOTEL.

(Shawn's thoughts)

Today must have been a good day. She fell asleep without crying…I wish I could tell her how I feel. How I've felt since the day I met her

_(Flashback, but Still Shawn's thoughts)_

_It was at that signing. She came up to the table, didn't say anything, just handed me a picture. I looked at her. She was beautiful, in a weird punk/Goth way. She had on black baggy pants with buckles and hooks all over and silver flames going up the legs. She had on a tight fitting long-sleeve black shirt with silver fishnets over it. She had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, no make-up, half her hair was shaved with long hair that was currently metallic blue with dark purple streaks. Her eyes got to him. They looked so far away. Like a lost little kid in a huge mall. He made a mental note to look for her after he was finished. _


End file.
